Being an Introvert in an Extrovert Society

WHY should you care: The creator, in Her infinite wisdom, loved even ratios. One of these great 50/50 binary ratios is the introversion/extroversion identity. Around half of the people in the world are introverts and the other half, extroverts. This means that half of you reading this, or 100% if it’s just me, are introverts. For you extroverts reading this, half of the people you work with, potentially half of your children (if you have more than one) are introverts. Either way, introverts are all around us, and we interact with them daily, so we should strive to understand their point of view in the world just a little bit (maybe 1%) better.

WHO did I learn this from: Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, from that book. I initially heard her on The Tim Ferriss Show (https://tim.blog/2019/01/24/susan-cain/) where I first discovered, by hearing her and Tim talk, that I am an introvert AND that being one is NOT a bad thing.

WHAT did I learn: Our society has recently favored extroverts, judging people based on their personality, their charism and how they interact with others, instead of their character, how good of a person they are. Cain explains that there is nothing wrong with being an introvert; they can be good people but are inclined to different habits. She explains that introverts have a higher sensitivity to environmental stimuli. If you’ve ever been at a party (and you’re an introvert) and been overwhelmed by the amount of people and the loud music and lights, etc, that’s totally natural. Introverts on a whole prefer more intimate, one on one, deep conversations compared to larger groups with surface level discussions. I want to make a distinction here before we get carried away, introversion and shyness are not the same thing. Introversion is a a genetic preference for less environmental stimulation. Shyness boils down to caring what other people think of you. Thus, someone can be a shy extrovert or a confident introvert.

Now that we understand what being an introvert is, the question is what to do about it? Cain explains that introverts thrive in certain situations, so introverts should strive to put themselves in those situations. These include but are not limited to, small conversations ranging from one on one to groups of four or five. You will feel more comfortable and get more out of the conversation with these sized groups. Alone time is also great for an introvert, as our best ideas tend to come when we are by ourselves. Learning by reading books in solitude is one of the best things an introvert can do to improve themselves. Journalling in that time is great way to reflect and look for ways to get more out of life.

The last situation is unconventional for an introvert, speaking up in extrovert-heavy environments. This is counterintuitive but probably the most important. In most business settings, extroverts, because of their outgoing nature, tend to dominate the conversation. Cain explains that this was one of the major drivers of the 2007-8 real estate crash. Extroverts move faster and use emotion more when deciding, which is great for getting things done, but creates far more risk. Thankfully, half the world is introverted, and our thoughtful, rational decision making processes are a great counterbalance, if we speak up. If introverts, who understood the risk of the investing happening in 2008, spoke up more, AND the extroverted employers took the time to listen to them, the crisis could have been avoided or less damaging. The lesson here is two-fold, introverts must step outside their comfort zone and speak up when they are right, and employers must understand this dynamic and take it into account when making decisions.

My challenge to the introverts out there is to embrace the small group setting and alone time as much as possible, while still pushing ourselves to speak up in the noisy extroverted world. My challenge to the extroverts in the world is to listen more to the introverts, understand that they are less likely to speak up, and go to THEM instead of expecting them to speak up. The world is 50/50 introvert/extrovert for a reason; balance is the key to creating the success we want to see.